Credit: ThinkStock
Tell me if you can relate:
You go to a cafe, and as you come upon the tray of confections, your eyes settle on a sugary, sweet, ever-so-naugthy donut.
It's both a dream, and a nightmare. The interior monologue begins.
I really shouldn't have a donut. I looked, like, a thousand pounds in that picture from last week and I'm full, really I'm full, and . . . wait, is that . . . a chocolate donut with multicolored sprinkles? Oh man that sounds good.
No. NO.
Yes. YES!
No.
YES!
You walk up to take your order, biting your lip. "Yes, I'll have a skim latte and, um, wait . . . that donut."
The cafe worker slips her hand inside the case, and grabs your donut, glistening with chocolate goodness. And as you unwrap the confection, the monologue kicks back in.
Just have one bite; you can save the rest. Just one bite. OK, one more. Damnit, why'd you have one more? This is why you'll never be skinny. Yes, but maybe skinny is overrated, remember that one friend of yours who's not super-skinny but is really pretty, you can be like her! OK, one more bite. Shit, skinny isn't overrated, everyone wants to be skinny. What's wrong with you? Stop eating. Then again, at this point, who cares? It's too late. There's no salvation.
One more bite.
And on and on, until all that remains is a pile of chocolate crumbs in a dirty bag, and you realize you don't even know if you enjoyed the donut, because you were too busy feeling bad about maybe enjoying it.
This love-loathe relationship with sweets is central to a woman's fraught relationship with her body, and it's one worth noting today—after all, it is National Donut Day. (Seriously.)
In the enduring struggle to both enjoy life and not get fat, there is nothing more right—or more wrong—than donuts and other forbidden desserts.
Of Guilt And Dessert
Let's get one thing out of the way right off the bat: that stereotype about women loving dessert? It's actually pretty true. According to one recent study, women are 25% more likely than men to order dessert. And yet, despite this desire—or maybe because of it—they're also far more likely to be told to hate themselves for it.
Consider the trend of headlines about "Guilt-Free Desserts," implying that regular desserts are, I suppose, "Guilt-Filled" or perhaps "Guilt-Riddled." (Also, for the record, there is no such thing as "guilt free" food. Any food.) "30 Guilt-Free Desserts," crows Woman's Day. "A Whole Lotta Dessert Without a Whole Lotta Guilt," intones Austin Woman's Magazine. Oxygen, the women's fitness publication, even has an entire page devoted to the elusive, magical "Guilt-Free Dessert."
The message here is blatant: Guilt. Dessert. Guilt. Dessert. Want dessert? Feel guilty.
And then there are the images we're inundated with in ads and stories, showing us just how depraved dessert guilt looks. Type in "woman guilt dessert" into the photo source ThinkStock, and here's a sampling of what comes up:
Apparently, women should feel so guilty about eating cheesecake and donuts, sneaking around to do so is a must. And from what, pray tell, are we sneaking from? The world's judgment? Ourselves? Our partners who, if they catch us savoring a morsel of fudge, will surely decide to dump us for a woman who only eats vegan, gluten-free pound cakes, and then only on Christmas?
For the record, type in "man guilt dessert" into the same photo archive, and this comes up.
I'll have the guilt he's having.
This isn't to say that I think women should spend their evenings on the couch eating donut holes by the handful; that sounds nice, but for health reasons, it's probably not a great idea. But on National Donut Day, or when you're out for a nice dinner, or when you're at a birthday party and someone asks "Want a slice of cake?" you should have the right to silence the monologue and enjoy your damm donut. No hiding. No shame. No guilt.
Because you know what? Donuts are really damn good.
